My Secret Career 00: Let’s Pretend

Pretend.

Pretend you have been an avid fan of mine for forty years. 

Pretend you wait with bated breath for my next release.

Pretend you followed me through thick and thin, putting up with my eccentricities and foibles. 

Pretend you defended me from my detractors when I dared to rap, of all things. 

Pretend you flirted with abandoning your fandom when Fecund Youth broke up. 

Pretend your hopes got up when I formed The Mahoneys seven years later. 

Pretend you loved my side projects even though there was no main project to be a side project to, and here are all of them in one place: Fecund Youth, Turf Farm Kings, The Mahoneys, Rhode Island Red, Onion, baby monolith, Bull Cancer, Bomer-B, New Mischief, High School Hero, The Congress Of American Musicologists, brenwillsull, Sun Zed and one last one that you will hear about shortly. 

Pretend you despaired when I disappeared into the recording studio for years at a time, waiting for the perfect time to drop new music. 

Pretend you interacted with my aliases the way I intended, as performance art projects to surround and envelop the music. 

Pretend you made road trips to see me play in South Kingstown, Orléans, France, Paris, France, Providence, RI, Matunuck, RI, Narragansett, RI, East Greenwich, RI, North Kingstown, RI, Harlem, NYC, the Lower East Side, NYC, Brooklyn, NYC, Chapel Hill and Rutherfordton, North Carolina, Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Beverly Hills, Santa Monica, The Valley and Koreatown, Los Angeles, and Ossining, NY, all places I have performed music live. 

Pretend your hopes got up that I would have a massive hit with my song about September 11th and that it would catch on as a piece of art that honored that day and all that it entails. 

Pretend your interest in ME led you to discover Pimp Fu, Cashel O’Malley, Mike Death, Pulp Fever, Siobhan O’Malley, Dr. Mars, Josh Economy and The Army Jazz Band, Kerry O’Malley, Ian Carroll, Emma Carroll aka Lil Frex, Michael Gavagan, Regina O’Malley, Mercury & Mars, A Wish For Fire (Owen Beane), Poppa Foxtrot beats, Matthew O’Malley, Tony O’Malley’s barbershop career, Mike O’Malley playwright/screenwriter and Sheila O’Malley film critic extraordinaire. 

Pretend you marvel that one family has contributed so much great music and culture. 

Pretend you have too many favorite songs of mine to count. 

Pretend you know the guitar solos by heart. 

Pretend you bore your friends by constantly raving about my catalog. 

Pretend you keep the ticket stubs. 

Pretend you were thrilled when I announced that I was done with my old aliases and had adopted a new one: Bull De Jour. 

Pretend you got inspired and decided to write and record your OWN musical diary. 

Pretend you got great enjoyment out of spinning riddles and ciphers that perfectly describe your inner life but give absolutely nothing away. 

Pretend you couldn’t believe I was posting all 120-odd songs for free on 

Pretend I wasn’t your friend. 

Pretend you were a fan. 

Pretend the only thing you knew about me was what you sang along to. 

Pretend you already had tickets to my next tour.

Pretend my music means as much to you as it does to me.

Pretend.