Friday, February 9, 2007

Ooga Ooga and Such

A caveman sat among his cavemen brethren. Being a leader of men, a precursor to the great figures of human history, he exhorted his fellow strivers to attain new heights of knowledge and action heretofore un reached by man.

His hairy hand scratched his stinky ass, whereupon he raised it to his nose. "Ooga ooga," quoth he. "Oooga ooga ooga ooga, ooga! Oooga oo."

Hearing such eloquence, many of the men burst into tears, or perhaps the snot that was already dried on their face simply fell off all at once. Either way, they had been forever changed by this burning light of existence. Moving as one, they followed him out of the cave. A vast valley opened before them, teeming with God's spawn in all shapes and sizes. One of God's spawn jumped out from behind a tree and bit the arm off the third dude in line. The rest of them moved a bit further along the path and just let that shit happen.

After two fights and a few short stops so someone could take a crap, they emerged off of the rise and onto the plain. Then they got distracted by a few babes who were hanging out by the stream picking bugs off of each other and eating them. The cavemen sat drooling mightily and not one of the babes was afraid of being exploited by pornography. One of these fair maidens crapped too, so free she felt of pression.


The valiant voice of the chosen one was like a cold splash of water on a sleeping woolly mammoth. The day hung in the balance; a long brutal hunt which could result in little more than sweat, or a day of luxury with some hotties.

What followed was long retold ooga by ooga; tears of ooga ooga oo lifting the memory into more than myth. The sun went down and the cavemen and women rushed our race towards this blog.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

The Prophet of Dreams

There once was a man who found his system suddenly inverted...his daily life was filled with strange imagery, impossible feats, apocalyptic pleasures, and erotic tragedy. Once night fell and his eyes dropped shut, probability defined events instead of imagination, and calm settled over him even though he craved the rush of his waking life.

Soon his ability to maneuver through his day was impeded and he was forced to allow the full force of his reality to sweep him away. Whirling without limit he would find himself atop a mountain on the other side of the world with a strange arctic insect buzzing about his ears waiting for a tiny bit of skin to be exposed to a deadly bite. His fatigue would overtake him and he would find himself sipping coffee at his kitchen table reading the sports page. The relief was indescribable.

The dream would pass without incident and he would hold his eyes shut as long as he could. Flipping the lids up he would see a vast tract of pine covered grassland. Untouched by humanity prior to his arrival, he would nonetheless come across a carpet laid out perfectly between two identical firs. The swirling reds and browns and blacks of the rug against God's canvas created a hallucinatory effect and his bare feet hovered over it, feeling the man-made moss and marveling at the elephant next to his big toe.

The rug jerked beneath him and he fell into an Indian sit. Haltingly it raised to the first level of branches of the tree, which lightly brushed his arm. In a shot he was above the trees and the landscape spread out beneath him like a fan in front of a beautiful queen.

This time, the arrival of his nightly routine dream was not a relief...

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Welcome One and All

This is a whim of the highest order, inspired by my wonderful older sister Sheila. As I have leapt before I looked, the full style and look of this little corner of the web will be as fluid as needs be. As the big boys always remind us, everything is subject to change.

The first push-pin has been put onto the cork board.