I Call My iPod They

I was talking about the music shuffle with Melody and I said, "Then they played blah blah blah...". Oh, she couldn't get over that one! The little people inside my iPod! So this morning I am going to pick ONE person to be my imaginary bandleader. Burt Reynolds.

1. 'Couldn't Stand The Weather' by Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble from 'Greatest Hits'

Burt hooks me up right out of the gate! I recently admitted (and quite possibly realized for the first time) that SRV is my favorite guitar player. Y'know, if I found myself down at the crossroads ready to sign a contract in blood, I'd turn to Beelzebub and say, "I want to play like Stevie Ray Vaughan!" And Ol' Scratch would stutter and bluster but he'd have to pull the pen away and tear up the contract. Even the Devil knows his limits.

2. 'Swim' by Ambulance Ltd from 'Ambulance Ltd'

I really liked this song but I didn't know who it was. I thought of The Doves for the most part. Jon Leahy (of The Broken Remotes) put this on my iPod and I am quite grateful. Very melodic and honest. But not The Doves.

3. 'A Sailor's Life' by Fairport Convention from 'Watching The Dark (1)'

This comes from the Richard Thompson career retrospective my lovely sister Sheila gave to me several years back. Richard Thompson comes in right behind Stevie Ray Vaughan in the sell your soul to the Devil competition. He is a true visionary. This is the band he was in before he set out on his own. The singer? Sandy Dennis. Remember that Zeppelin song 'The Battle of Evermore' when that female voice comes in? That's her. THE ONLY OTHER PERSON TO SING ON A LED ZEPPELIN ALBUM, OK?

4. 'I Will Survive' by Cake from 'Fashion Nugget'

This is too cutesy by half, Burt Reynolds. I appreciate it because it is clever but it doesn't want to be anything more than a good joke. And what makes this song stick around is the TRAGEDY, not the disco. I saw Cake in a cavern in Amsterdam and they blew me away. I've never come close to that feeling in any of their recorded material.

5.'Breaker 1-9' by Barnyard Playboys from 'Dumbass On A Rampage'

More full disclosure: I'm good friends with Joe, the drummer for this insane band. They were a fixture on the Lower East Side during almost all of my time in NYC and their shows were legendary for their energy and dumbass-rampage-osity. They sound like a sweaty drunk trucker singing along to his favorite Merle Haggard at 4 AM on meth doing 90MPH. Burt Reynolds would be right in the cab with them, fleeing the Bacon.

6. 'Soft' by Kings Of Leon from 'Aha Shake Heartbreak'

Yes! More redneck dirtbag nonsense from Burt Reynolds aka my iPod. I'm not sure if I'm hearing him right but he seems to be confessing the fact that he can't rise to the occasion after a long night of drinking. Somehow the song is still sexy.

7. 'Total Trash' by Sonic Youth from 'Daydream Nation'

When I got this album, I loved it. It was mysterious and lofty. In the ensuing years it has deepened, like a lake expanding towards the center of the earth. At first glance it hasn't changed but once you dive in there are whole unexplored areas. This time around I can't get over the drumming. Steve Shelley is the Ringo Starr of the modern underground. His playing is ARTSY. He STOPS playing entirely ALL THE TIME on these songs. He'll just let the music go, then he'll tap a cymbal twice and hit the kick drum. Then he'll wait. Then he'll slap the snare. I don't know what the hell he's doing but every little sound furthers the emotional core of the song.

8.'My Blue Tears' by Dolly Parton from 'Little Sparrow'

Wouldn't you know it, Burt Reynolds plays Dolly Parton! Of course! 'Best Little Whorehouse' reunion time! I was too caught up in my Stephen King novel to actually HEAR this song, but I love the album so I'm sure it's great. Maybe I just wanted Burt and Dolly to have their privacy.

9. 'I Fall To Pieces' by Patsy Cline from '12 Greatest Hits'

So it is official. I don't like Patsy Cline anymore, Burt Reynolds. I've tried. Obviously, I OWN her 'Greatest Hits' album. But whenever I hear her sing I can't help but think, "I'd sure love to hear some country music right now. STOP crooning."

10. 'I've Got A Feeling' by the Beatles from 'Let It Be'

I've never heard this song before in my life. How can that be? Really, how is that possible? It's not some bootleg stolen from George Harrison's yurt, it's on 'Let It Be' for chrissakes.

11. 'Long View' by Green Day from 'Dookie'

Odd how their early work is so overshadowed by 'American Idiot'. Sure, this is a great song but it sounds like prelude now. Sketch vs. black comedy. Burger vs. filet mignon. Poetry slam vs. Shakespeare's sonnet. But man, what a bass line.

12. 'Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner' by Warren Zevon from 'Genius: The Best of Warren Zevon'

Burt, don't you remember you played this song a couple of days ago? Were you too busy cracking up with Dom Deluise to pick something new? There are 8,000 songs on here, Burt. Don't get lazy. You got lazy with your career and look what happened. Don't go down that road inside my iPod.

13. 'It's Our Love' by Iggy Pop from 'American Caesar'

Oh Burt Reynolds, are you trying to get back at me for chastising you so openly in the last song review? You know how I feel about Iggy Pop. I like him and all but I am not sure how this album got on my iPod (you!) and I really wouldn't notice if I never heard another Iggy song. I know he's important and all but so is American History and Geography and I don't pay any attention to that stuff either.

14. 'Small Stakes' by Spoon from 'Kill The Moonlight'

These guys are killers. Absolute cold stone killers. Any band from Texas that can mix The Beatles and Squeeze together but still sound underground and edgy is ok in my book.

15. 'All Around The World' by The Jam from 'Greatest Hits'

Oh, god. If The Clash didn't have good songs or a great singer this is what they still wouldn't sound like. I am totally over The Jam. Thanks, Burt Reynolds for ending with such a musical fart.

See you tomorrow little iPod! No more name calling!